Like most other women, I have been harassed. I want to make it clear that I have not been assaulted. My story falls in the “stranger than fiction” category, but there is a lesson in it that might help someone else speak up if they are receiving unwanted comments, suggestions, or other attention that makes them uncomfortable. This is long, so bear with me if you can.
I spent a year in South Korea during the early 90s. Military members who were assigned there were on “unaccompanied” tours, meaning if they were married, they were there on their own without their spouses or children. At the time, I was single, though I did know the hubs. I think that year made me appreciate him more! 😉
I was a junior captain and had one friend in particular who was also single and a first lieutenant. Generally, I don’t bring up rank but in this story it’s relevant.
The Logistics Group deputy commander was a lieutenant colonel. I’ll call him Lt Col L. He was divorced and he was a pretty outgoing guy. He was friendly to all of the single girls. Clue number one. He was having a dinner party and invited me to come. I accepted the invitation, thinking nothing of it because it was going to include a few other people I knew casually.
I mentioned the invitation to a male first lieutenant friend who happened to know Lt Col L from work. He immediately expressed concern that he thought the guy was not trustworthy and had no good intentions towards any females. Clue number two. I decided to take his advice and not attend.
I would usually make excuses if I had to bow out of an invitation I had already accepted, but this time I decided to send a message and I just didn’t show up. Rude, yes, but it was an instinct that I decided to follow. The next time I ran into the guy I apologized and told him I had forgotten about it. I could tell he was irked. I figured that was for the best. Clue number three.
From then on, every time I ran into him, he made a snide remark. Nothing sexual, just rude and condescending. Clue number four.
He then turned his radar on my friend, the first lieutenant. She was a nurse assigned to the base hospital and was working a weekend shift. He came into her workplace and said to her, “I am attracted to you and I know you are to me, so what are we going to do about it?” She told him she had absolutely no interest in him and he was to leave her workplace immediately. We were both amazed at his boldness in stating such a thing and doing so in her workplace. Clue number five.
Please note well. This guy was becoming bolder in his attempts. The single junior officer women were becoming more aware of him. But we didn’t tell anybody. We didn’t think he was actually dangerous, just slimy and weird. We were not intimidated by his rank, but I do think his position as a deputy group commander may have kept us from saying more about him other than to each other.
Shortly after that incident in the hospital, we were participating in a base exercise. I was on night shift in the command post, as the base communications representative. Lt Col L was the night shift representative for the Logistics Group. There were several other people in the command post, including the staff judge advocate, the head lawyer for the base, who also happened to be a woman.
The base photographers had delivered a stack of photographs of the exercise to me (they were assigned to my squadron) and I was sorting through them looking for some to provide for the base newspaper. Lt Col L came over to me and in front of everyone loudly said, “What do you have? Nude pictures of your mother?”
I remember the whole place went silent and looked at me in shock. I continued to look through the pictures and then looked up at him and said, “My mother is dead.” The whole place was watching.
My mother is very much alive as of this writing. It was a lie meant to shock.
After he stared at me for a few moments, I said, “Just kidding. She’s fine.” And went back to what I was doing with the pictures. He walked away. I remember the lawyer trying to not laugh at what I had just done. Others chuckled and said, “Good for you” to me.
I took the pictures and went out into the hallway to deliver them. Lt Col L was out there and as I passed by, he again asked, “What do you have? Nude pictures of your mother.” I ignored him and walked by. Clue number, what? Lost count.
Again, it was witnessed by many. I didn’t tell anyone or complain because I thought that I had handled it. I thought he was just a slime bucket and that I had put him in his place.
A few weeks passed. I was sitting at my desk when the phone rang. It was the Operations Group deputy commander, another Lt Col that I knew. He told me he had been assigned to investigate a situation and was told I might be able to shed some light on some things. He made sure to tell me I was not being investigated myself and that “someone” said I was a witness to some things that might be relevant to the investigation. I said, “It’s Lt Col L, isn’t it?”
Tantrums and Tales 